Why? Mainly because this approach needs new creative ways to catching a cheater.  Here's how to Beat War of the Roses.

Approach:  Roses

If you are dumb enough to believe that your cellular phone company actually cares about your continued patronage you are a fool.  So in case you are a fool this is what you do.

Option 1

Send the flowers to your mother or another symbolic female in your family perhaps your grandmother.  Especially if you are so lucky to be picked on around Mother's Day.

Option 2

Send them to your girlfriend. The REAL one.

Option 3

Say no thanks.  Believe it or not people turn down free **** all the time.  What's the worst that'll happen?  Your girlfriend gets mad on the radio because she tried to set you up and failed?  You are no longer the fool.....she is.

Approach:  STD Clinic

If you are running around with out a Jimmy on then your member should fall off.  So if you are one of the smart ones then you are wearing protection and in that case shouldn't have to worry about some random clinic prying into your sexual deviances.  However, if that isn't you.....this is what you should do.

Option 1

The only girl you've slept with in the last 30 - 90 days was your girlfriend.  The REAL one.  Don't back peddle, stick to your guns, stand your ground.  Say it with me now, "My girlfriend is the only one I've been with in 30 - 90 days."

Option 2

Refuse to discuss over the phone.  Ask for a Point of Contact and a place of business to come in and discuss the potentially life threatening illness.  Last time I had blood work done, the doctor told me they would not divulge the results over the phone, and that I would have to come in.  This is not any different.

Option 3

Ask for a return number because you are at work and don't have time to answer question currently.  Then start making phone calls to those people you've been active with.  Don't be obvious, just a simple question......."How are you doing?" If one of them actually had blood work done it will come out.

VIOLATORS WILL BE CAUGHT!!! Make no mistake about it.  If you cheat it is only a matter of time before your significant other finds out.  At least now you know how to get out of being humiliated on air.

The best thing to do is to obviously not do it at all. 

But if you must do it, there is an old saying.  "Don't **** where you eat."  Some believe that if you are in another zip code then it's not cheating.  And here are some additional Do Nots.

Do Not List

Do not sleep with your girlfriends sister.

....Mom

....Aunt

....Cousin

....Neighbor

....Grandmother

.....Friend

.....Enemy

.....Coworkers

Do not sleep with your friends

.....Friends friend

....Coworkers

....Neighbor

....Roommate (In fact your roommate should be the same sex as you!)

Do not lead your hook ups into believing they got something going for them other than they are just hook ups.  If possible never go back to the same hook up twice.  One night stands are your safest bet.

Do not go in with out protection.  Sure you could catch an STD, that is the least of your worries.  Most STDs can be cured with cream/shampoo or a shot a penicillin in your butt and a banana shake concoction (not a good after taste).  However a baby goes away........NEVER!

Do not tell anyone of you infedelities.  A secret is only a secret if only one person knows.

Do not write down phone numbers so that they can later be found in your pockets.  Instead put them directly in your phone, coded ofcourse.  Here's a creative idea http://www.metacafe.com/watch/1003811/effectively_hide_phone_numbers_from_your_girl_or_guy/.  Or better yet hide them on your computer some where deep in the many endless folders you could possibly have in there.  Just don't forget where you put them and move them from time to time renaming the folder.

And Absolutely DO NOT take pictures! Or video.

One last bit of advice.  DON'T CHEAT WILL BE CAUGHT!!! 

Bruce "Da Truth"

Little boxes on the hillside

Little boxes made of ticky tacky

Little boxes, little boxes

Little boxes all the same

There's a green one and a pink one

And a blue one and a yellow one

And they're all made out of ticky tacky

And they all look just the same

You know which one.  Check out the official blog, click on the image.